The container and the circle Of Support: EMDR Preparation

We have heard from folks that they are sitting across from their therapist, trying to imagine talking about their trauma, already feeling unsafe just thinking about it. And the question keeps coming up: Are we going to jump straight into the memory?

Here’s our answer. Talking about this belongs in the conversation before any reprocessing begins. EMDR has a preparation phase, and during this phase, you and your therapist can talk about what feels manageable and what would help you pause or return your attention to the present. You don’t have to pretend to feel safe. You can ask what preparation would look like and decide together what the next step should be.

Preparation is phase two of EMDR, which has eight phases, and it can take more than one session. What it involves depends on the person and the treatment plan. EMDRIA describes the eight phases and how preparation varies between clients.

So what might happen during preparation? Here are some tools we may use, and why.

Preparation Tools

Preparation can include a container exercise, a calm place, breathing, grounding, orienting to the room, or an image that helps you create distance from a memory.

These are options, not a checklist every client has to complete. We introduce and practice tools together, then notice how they feel and whether they’re useful to you. If one feels difficult or doesn’t help, that’s information we can use to adjust the plan. It isn’t a verdict about you or your readiness.

Here are three examples in more detail.

• The container

After the EMDR session, you may still have to drive home, make dinner, or go back to work. A container exercise can give you an image for setting some material aside temporarily.

You might picture a jar with a lid, a box that latches, or a book you close and put away. We can offer examples, but the image should feel like yours. You might practice using the image with a thought, memory, or feeling that has come up and that you don’t want to focus on right then. The exercise doesn’t resolve or change the material. It gives you a way to pause and decide, with your therapist, what to return to and when.

A container may be useful when a thought or feeling comes up during another exercise too. You and your therapist can decide whether to pause, use the image, or try something else.

• The calm place (AKA Safe Place)

You may hear this exercise called “safe place.” Some people prefer “calm place” or another name. The word “safe” can feel uncomfortable, especially if someone has used it in a way that didn’t match your experience. You can tell your therapist what language works for you.

The exercise involves picturing a place that feels settled, soothing, or simply less activating. It can be real or imagined. You might notice details such as what’s underfoot, what the light looks like, who is with you, or what you can hear. Your therapist may also use bilateral stimulation as part of the exercise.

A real place may bring up mixed feelings for some people. An imagined place, a natural setting, or a symbol may feel easier to work with. You don’t have to find a perfect place, or make yourself feel calm.

If no place comes to mind, that’s okay. You and your therapist can explore other resources, such as a person or animal you imagine, a moment when you felt capable, or a neutral place that doesn’t feel threatening.

Sometimes a distressing thought or memory enters the image. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. You can tell your therapist, and together you can pause, try the container, choose another image, or leave the exercise. The response is different for everyone.

A calm place can be one way to practice shifting attention and returning to the present. It may also help you and your therapist think about how to close a session if difficult material comes up. It won’t work the same way for everyone, and it doesn’t guarantee that distress will stop.

• The circle of support

Another exercise involves gathering resources into an imagined circle around you. These can come from different parts of your life, including:

• Times you felt capable. These don’t have to be major achievements. You might think of something you fixed, a conversation you handled, or a morning when getting up was hard and you did it anyway. Ordinary moments can be meaningful resources.

• People who have shown up for you. You might think about people associated with protection, comfort, or care. They don’t have to be the same people. If this feels difficult, tell your therapist and explore another kind of resource.

• Characters or images that matter to you. Some people find a helpful quality in a character from a book, film, or game, or in an image from a painting or dream. Whether that kind of resource fits is something you and your therapist can decide together.

• Resources can also be connected to music, movement, or a physical experience. The goal isn’t to come up with the “right” answer. It’s to notice what, if anything, helps you feel more supported or capable.

Bringing the circle Of Support to mind

If you choose to work with a circle of support, you might picture the people or resources around you. You could notice what you imagine they might say, or what it feels like to picture their care directed toward you.

Your therapist may ask what feelings come up and where you notice them in your body. Sometimes the image brings a noticeable shift. Sometimes it doesn’t. Either response is useful to talk about.

You might choose a word or short phrase connected to the resource, such as “calm” or “I can trust these people.” It should be meaningful to you, not just something that sounds right.

The word can act as a cue to bring the image to mind. Some people also choose a small physical gesture, such as closing their fingers around a sensation or movement. These cues don’t work the same way for everyone, so you and your therapist can check whether they’re useful.

Bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, taps, or tones, may be part of the exercise. The pace and length of each set depend on the exercise, the therapist’s approach, and how you respond. Thoughts or feelings that don’t fit the image may come up. You can pause and decide with your therapist whether to continue, adjust the exercise, or try another resource. If slowing down or receiving support brings up anxiety, that’s worth discussing too.

Problem-Solving What might get in the way of re-processing.

Before reprocessing begins, you and your therapist can talk about fears, avoidance, or other reactions that might come up. The goal isn’t to dismantle them. It’s to make a plan together, so you have a better sense of what may happen and what you can do if you feel stuck. That conversation might include what helps you pause, what support you want from your therapist, or whether another approach would fit better.

Some people need more preparation before starting reprocessing. Others may need additional support or specific work for concerns such as dissociation or substance use. Sometimes a different level of care is appropriate first. That decision depends on the person and their circumstances. Your therapist can talk it through with you, including whether to begin reprocessing, keep preparing, or consider another option. More time isn’t a failure. It’s part of deciding on a pace that fits.

EMDR At Turn the Mind

At Turn the Mind, EMDR is offered by Laura Richardson, Ph.D., Melissa Green-Jackson, LPC, LMHC, Martha Jimenez, LCSW, Samantha DiMeglio, Psy.D. and Kathryn Felicetta, LCSW. We see clients in person in Glen Rock, NJ and virtually across New Jersey, New York, and PSYPACT states.

You can read more about EMDR at Turn the Mind. If you’re considering EMDR, book a free 15-minute consultation and ask what preparation might look like for you.